The Price of War
by BloodyDemonWitch
Summary: Anakin had done what not many soldiers had done: survived the wars, but this survival comes with a price. Warnings: PTSD, child abuse. Modern au


"Welcome everybody." Doctor Jinn started, "At first I would like to remind everybody that everything that is said in this room, will stay in this room"

A shudder went around the room.

"Secondly I would like to remind you all, that you don't have to say anything you don't want to. On the other side, you may share anything you want to share." Doctor Jinn looked around the circle of people, "Am I clear?" He asked not unkindly. A few people nodded, but most just stared empty in to the distance.

"Is there anyone who would like to start?" Doctor Jinn asked, looking hopefully at the circle. Some people sighed, others tried to disappear in their chair and few didn't respond at all. Doctor Jinn had anticipated this. Nobody wanted to talk in the first session, ever. Suddenly a dark-skinned girl with long white hair in two tails put up her hand. Doctor Jinn nodded at her.

"Go ahead, please."

"My name is Ahsoka." She said, a few other grunted a greeting, "I served in the army for two year, before walking away."

"Why are you here, Ahsoka?" doctor Jinn coaxed.

"Because I can still hear them screaming." Ahsoka said, not removing her eyes from doctor Jinn's, "That's what you wanna hear, right?"

"I wanna hear the truth, Ahsoka. More specifically, your truth."

It was silent for a moment and then Jinn asked: "Why did you walk away, from the army?"

"Because I disagreed with them, for years I trained to join them and when I had joined them, I found out what they really stood for."

"And what was that?"

"It's not about peace, it's about control."

There was a soft laugh. Doctor Jinn's gaze moved from Ahsoka to someone else in the group.

"You want to react to that?" He asked the man.

"Yes." The man said sharply, "My name is Anakin and I was Air Force during the wars."

The room was silent. Everybody remembered the loses and horrors of the wars. Most people in the room had fought in them.

"And I have to disagree with Snips over there. The only time I ever felt in peace and in control was when I was up in the air."

"If you were so in control and in peace, then why are you here?" Ahsoka sneered.

"I am here", Anakin said with clenched teeth, "because I tried to kill my own son."

_From the moment Anakin had stepped out of bed, he had known that this would be a bad day. He had woken up alone, after getting little sleep. His wife, Padmé, and his is daughter, Leia, had both been gone for the weekend, so it had just been him and Luke. It had been a while since he had had time alone with his son. Only this weekend he had realized how much Luke had changed over the years and how much he had stayed the same. Luke was still optimistic and a bit naive, the complete opposite of his sister, but there was also a bit of wisdom inside him, which hadn't been there before. _

_Anakin secured his prostatic underarm on his upper arm. His arm, which had just been another thing he had lost in the war. He got out of bed, walked downstairs and looked inside the kitchen, where he expected to find Luke, cooking breakfast, giving him a bright smile and a "Good Morning Father!". But Luke was not there._

_"Luke? Son?" Anakin turned to the living room, hoping to find Luke launching on the couch, petting their dog Artoo and watching TV. But the TV was off and Luke wasn't on the couch. _

_'Maybe he went out early.' Anakin thought, 'He did say that he wanted to pick up some power converters.' _

_If Luke was out, then he must have left a note on the fridge, Luke always left a note when he went out. Anakin walked back into the kitchen looking for a note. Luke knew that Anakin wanted to know where his children were, but there was no note this time._

_"Luke!" Anakin yelled, "Where are you?" Anakin grabbed the kitchen counter trying to calm himself down. Where could Luke be? His room! _

_'He was probably still asleep.' Anakin tried to tell himself, despite knowing better. Luke was an early bird, always had been since he was a little boy. He would be standing next to his and Padmé's bed at five in the morning, proclaiming he was awake and hungry. He barged into Luke's room, it was a mess. Anakin ran up the stairs and didn't even bother to knock. Luke's room was a mess. The closet doors were open and there were clothes everywhere. The sheets of Luke's bed where lying on the ground, his chair was lying on its side on the ground. It looked like something horrible had happened, like Luke had put up a struggle. _

_"No." Anakin said softly. Fear crippling him, his son had been taken. That was the only explanation. It made sense. Anakin had made many enemies during the wars. Enemies that were still around and looking to hurt him and his family. And now they had seen their chance, now that Padmé and Leia were out of town and he was on heavy sleeping pills. _

_"No!" Anakin cried and a sob escaped his throat. His son had been kidnapped right from under his nose and he hadn't even noticed it. Suddenly there was a loud bang from the front door. _

_'They must be back!' Anakin thought, 'they must be back to kill me.'_

_He snuck downstairs as quietly as he could. There was a young man standing in the kitchen, looking around. His back was turned to Anakin. This was his chance. This was it. He either killed that man or that man would kill him or his son. He knocked the man down, he fell with a loud smack on his nose. He turned around on the floor. His face was bloody from his broken nose. _

_"Vader?" the man said, it sounded smothered because of his nose. Anakin froze. _

_'He knows', was all Anakin could think, 'nobody may know.'_

_"Vader is dead." Anakin said coldly, "and soon you will be too."_

_"No." the enemy said and tried to get up, but Anakin stomped on his hand to distract him. He felt the bones breaking under his foot. The enemy screamed and cradled his hand to his chest. Anakin jumped on him and closed his hand around the enemy's neck and tightened his grip. _

_'This man must die.' The voiced inside Anakin's mind said, 'He knows about Vader, he helped kidnapping Luke."_

_"This is for taking my son." He hissed, "Nobody touches my family and gets away with it."_

_The enemy was clawing at Anakin's hands with his good hand and trying to kick Anakin off of him, but Anakin knew that the enemy was close to passing out._

_"Ani!" Another voice suddenly yelled, "What the hell are you doing?"_

_Anakin looked up and looked straight into the eyes of his wife and he snapped back to reality, looked down to the enemy he was in process of choking and realized that under all that blood, it was his son, it was Luke! Leia roughly pulled Anakin off Luke and cradled his face. Luke was taking raspy breaths._

_"Dad." Luke tried to say, reaching out for him. Only then it dawned on him. He had tried to kill his own son and he had nearly succeeded. If Padmé and Leia hadn't walked in... NO, he did not want to think about that. Padmé was now also kneeling near Luke, who was on the verge of losing conscious. _

_"It's okay, Lukey", she said softly, stroking her son's hair, "I called an ambulance, help is on its way, just stay awake from me, okay?"_

_Then she turned her gaze onto Anakin and said sternly: "You need help, Ani. You can't continue like this."_

_Anakin could only nod._

The group was silent. Nobody dared to say a thing.

"I broke his hand, his nose and severely damaged his throat. All because he was walking our dog, Artoo, but forgot the leave a note." There was a slight pause.

"I nearly killed my son over a goddamn note! That's when I realized that I should get help and that's why I'm here."

"That's quite the story, Anakin." Doctor Jinn said, "Thank you for sharing, that couldn't have been easy."

Anakin just shrugged.

"That's all the time we have for our group sessions today. Next time I expect others to talk too."

There was the sound of chairs scraping on the ground. As people stood up and left. Doctor Jinn stood up too and made some notes in his notebook. When he looked up he saw that Anakin hadn't left yet.

"Anakin, are you okay?" Anakin buried his face in his hands and nodded.

"Are you sure?" Anakin stood up.

"I'll see you at our private session, Doctor Jinn."


End file.
